Monday, December 31, 2012

The Resolute Resolution for 2013...

            What seems to be the greatest dilemma one could ever have is how one should live his life. There are numerous choices and paths. However, not one has a definite sneak peek which we could look into. It was never like a movie CD case where the story is bleakly stated at the back. We are bound to decide and are left to live with what choices we have made – may it be bad or good.
  
            You’d be lucky enough if all the pieces you pick fits perfectly into your grand schema. But, that is to say you are quiet heaven’s favorite. For most of us, we are in a roller coaster. We’ll need to shout because we barely have any idea where the turns and dips will be. But, we just always need to take that big leap of faith.


            Now we are hours away from New Year. It is the date when we are given a made-to-believe new beginning. It’s where there is an abundance of a so-called new chance to re-arrange the path of our life. Seldom do people realize that revisions in our life only start when we act upon it. You can say you’d be different come the 1st day of the year. However, in truth, you just said this because it’s a trending thing to do. There is simply a bandwagon of trying to trick ourselves that the New Year should be a better year for us.

            What we need right now is action – not because it is the New Year. We act because we know there is a need to do so. There is never a need to write it in paper so that we’d have a reminder. This reminder that will simply be a failure to us come the end of the next year as we failed to act on it. We choose our path, make sure that everything happens the way we want it to be, and (if things don't come out as we like it to be) we live with it.

Happy New Year to everyone! Welcome to 2013!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Moved to blogspot.

I just got a message from a special someone that Multiply's blog feature is already about to finish its existence. It has been greatly a home for so long. Yet, nothing is permanent in this world. Even in the heightened understanding of its aspect, we can never control it when it reaches the fated termination. Only the quiet music of leaving is offered to the eternal rest.

Will you be so happy to learn that life as we know it is created to be destroyed? No, not the idea of the end of the world, that hoax tale made to chill the bones of people upon the arrival of this year and the same story that became a dwindling comedy by the coming end of the year. The life destroyed by age, by sickness or by malcontent. I talk of the life we lived every second. What comes of us upon the halting of breath?

Indeed, it is a journey no one has ever returned. No wondrous stories of dragons and castles has been truthfully told. We are in no way to grasp it until we reach our own. All that we know is that it is written in the stars that every single one of us is doomed to the unwanted promise of oblivion. And for now, though I wish not to leave, I seek a glimpse of its wondrous uncertainty.

The lines are in debt to another entry. For now, I highlight my return to blog spot. I cannot just leave all my creations in multiply and shredded into the eternal trash bin of the Web. So, there it is, a new beginning after every end.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

And after two years.. I'm back.

It has been long since we've last met. I have just finished reading through you and, after which, I sat down in silence. I peek at some and made a second glance because it seems to be an excitement having to set sight of them once more. This was me in every little sense. The thoughts that turned to words; words that turned to sentences and the sentences that turned to entries. Indeed, this was undoubtedly made from a crazy mind like mine. 

The words here seemed resounding the very story that has caused it. I felt the emotions that have filled every scene that occurred – the laughter, tears and even the sudden pauses. Everything simply seems to be in its proper place. This was indeed me about two years ago and the years before that. I wrote with passion and shared the world what runs inside of me. Then, life, in general, has driven me to create ideas and opinions of it. Never was I ashamed to say what I mean and to mean what I say. For these past years, has this man changed?

I gladly would say NO. The same man stood and wrote this follow up exposition. I may have grown physically, but, inside me is still the kid that wrote all this stuff. Do not take me wrong though. To call myself a kid is never meant to put me down. I am proud to be a kid and will always be a kid – one who wanders and is wondered by the world; one that has no guilt to ask and to answer back; one who has his ideals intact. That is me and I do think that this man would never change.
And, if you are eagerly asking, yes is the answer. I am back – though I have not really left. It is not I if my mind becomes stagnant. I still made fun of the world and played with ideas of life. The smiles have always come after the silence - when I’ve realized life’s lessons. I never left because I never stopped thinking. It was my task as a human person. Thus, I have maintained it. I have simply stopped writing it.
What has actually caused me to stop writing? I actually do not remember now. Probably, I was too busy that I have simply contained it within me. However, after so long, I was awakened one day by this pain and urge. It seems my brain is going to explode if I kept it further. Thus, I am here.
Today, I again walk the same path - to expose the world as I see it. I will again write driven by the passion of my ideals – of the good and the just. I will speak of matters that I deem is needed to be spoken of. Today, I have awakened once more.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

One and a half Scribbling...

The last thing I would ever want to feel is to be alone. Who would want to feel that cold air as it touches your skin - piercing you through the bones? Who would want to embrace the darkness in its fullness - killing the life out of you? Who would want to feel the nausea of loneliness - crushing your heart's rhythm?

But tonight.... as I touch this keys I feel it all... and I am lost into the music once more - the symphony... it resounds itself through the walls of my room... and I could not rest back to clear it all because I am hurt... hurt in the faintest sense... hurt without the bruises and blood. But the pain... it swells more than anything I can imagine.. I feel uneasy... nearing the point of insanity... I could not think... I could not breath.. I could not feel... I turned numb in this few seconds I feel this very pain.

How ironic could things get? get hurt and be numb? how could I ever feel the pain if I can't even feel anything? or was I stuck with the pain all along which made me think that I am numb - for it is the only thing I feel right now? To which am I numb? to the pain I could not resist? or the world that tries to embrace me? Or is it the case that I am actually insane right now? Am I even making sense?

I am actually writing this without any basic purpose. I just wanted to release this pain. I would want to express it out so that it won't envelope me through out. All I want is to understand it all... I want to get the time to digest it all... I am lost... lost...

All I know is that I am sad... and what may be more to that I would want to know.  

Saturday, October 09, 2010

To that Lady I Owe So Much

I've always been asked to wait for that one person that could make me happy. It was a hard journey to bump into people that you thought was the one - but in the end, it turned out that they never fit. It would hurt after that realization. We would not know where to go or what to do. We would feel alone during those glimpse of the memories where they made us smile.

I've gone through it all. I've tried paths which seems to go to a green land - but it turned out the place was simply too crowded for two. I've sailed to coasts where I thought people could wait - but it turned out it was simply just too far to even be heard. I've walked into places where things seems alright - but it turned out things weren't as easy to understand as it seemed to be. The journey was indeed hard. We needed to endure the pain of every heart breaks, and to learn from those where we've been. But the hardest of all is finding yourself willing to walk again. There was no certainty on which end we have to go. However, one cannot just stay put trying to rationalize a past. We have the capacity to forget and understand an end - where we realize that it was a misjudgement on our part to fall for the wrong person.

The search starts again and one would grow exhausted ending up  with the same old circle. Nevertheless, one should not wither because journeys are meant to end. We'll reach a dead end where we'll meet that person that would make us happy. We should not expect her to be perfect - no one is. But, what is perfect is the union that you both have. This is when,even with our imperfections, we feel complete. Every person is a half, indeed. We fill in each other's incapacities - and within the populace, there is simply one that exactly fits and forms what we may call a perfect circle.

And tonight, as I write this, I am eager for people to undersantd one thing. I've actually found the one that fits - the one that makes my circle perfect. This circle that is not just mine to keep, but for both of us to nourish. It is not just because of what she could do to me, but also, what I think I could do to her. When not only a part is heeded but the whole;when not only a  half counts but one; when not only one cares but both, this is when we understand that we've actually made it.

And to you my dear, nothing is more appropriate for me to say than what I actually feel and is willing to show and tell you for the rest of my life....

 I love you.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Free Fall

I do not know what I am actually feeling right now. It is a mixed emotion of happiness, sadness, anger and bitterness. The earth seems to stare at me in agony. Shaken by the tombstone of a dead corpse, I begin to fall into my knees and cry in despair. The Darkness shining on my feet seems to draw the lucid image of a grim - a forsaken child taken away from his innocence.
 
The thunder echoes back and forth as it moves the sweat off my face. I could not smile anymore. The echo has distorted my view and not even the faintest light could I recognize. The stench of blood engulfed me into a sensational out pour. It pushed me away - as if trying to set me free of this encumber. But, with my last flicker of strength, I shooed it off into the wind of that darkest night. And, as the silence envelopes this place of misery into an unknown symphony, I screamed a resounding noise. Stricken in amazement, the place grew cold and everything is eaten into a back drop of opaque shades of black and white.... 

After everything, I woke up breathing heavily and feeling a fist clenching my heart ... and found myself lost... indeed, I am lost. 

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Roentgen Night Out Reunion - JoPao's House




With Iankee.. Brobs... Dan.. Aze... Jhec... Pade... Pao... and me...

Magdamagang gising.. naggagaguhan... nag-dota.. naglakad sa kalsada ng bagsak ang mata.. kumain... uminom.. at umuwi...

UP KaPiTas February - KNL Booth * Batch Discussion * Tambayan Escapades




Notes:

* Justin B. is gay....
* Nasa isang bahay sila ni Usher.. omg...
* Nakaka-miss sumigaw for yesthursday...
* Ito po ang.. yes.. yes...yesthursday... ang susunod na up fair event......
* Kapitas is a block voting organization... the more you buy.. the more we vote...
* Kaya nga daw ni Cess dilaan yung siko nya.. as in..
* Bawal magiwan ng gamit sa tambayan.. inuubos ng tao.. *lol*

Friday, February 12, 2010

I tried to write in English.. pero BUMAGSAK sa filipino...

The wait was too long... and it ended up too fast... So... this is how it felt... I am saddened by the fact that im not that good enough for such an easy exam... or probably... its just all about the quota... nevertheless, i cant deny the fact that those that passed are better... but, probably, not that much... better... but not way overboard...

Tama... hindi na nga ako ang iskolar... I flunked big time... bragging rites off... meet reality... you're a normal kid now... adult actually... Gustong gusto ko pa naman ang euphoria ng pagpasa... mukhang napagkaitan ako ngayon... yung lamig sa dibdib at ung taas ng balahibo sa kamay... yung ngiti sa mukha na parang di mawawala... pero ito na nga... first time mong bumagsak sa isang bagay na gustong gusto mo... sana pala... hindi na lng ako nag entrance nung highschool at college sa magandang eskwelahan... para naman lahat ng swerte ko dito ko binuhos... pero ganun tlga... malas ako ngayon...

Tama... hindi ko na alam ang susunod... planado kasi lahat eh... kumuha ng law sa UP... maging lawyer... at maging magaling sa pagiging ganon... pero... ito na nga... hindi na nga pwede... sabi ni mama.. kuha na daw ako sa ibang school... pero... hindi ko alam... meron kasing ibang feeling sakin na nagsasabing gusto ko tlga dun eh.. at kung nd dun.. wag na lang...

Tama... nakakatawa na iniisip ng lahat na dapat ay umiyak ako... ang pinagkwekwntuhan pa nga sa bahay ay yung mga nagpapakamatay dahl sa  bagsak.. punto nanaman yung family friend namin na si kuya jay... muntikin mo ba namang naglakad from UP law to luneta.. ng di nya inaasahan... umiiyak daw kc tapos lakad lang.. nagulat na lang cya nasa bay walk na siya... dapat daw ganun ang ma feel ko... tapos parang lahat ni yakap na ako para daw ma comfort.. pero di talaga.. di ko makuhang lumuha over it... siguro ganito ako kamanhid... okay lang kasi tlga... well hindi okay.. pero... wala naman tayo magagawa.. so we have to live with it... besides.. kung iiyak man ako.. dun na lang sa bar exam... well.. that is... kung kukuha pa talaga ako ng bachelor degree sa laws...

Tama.. malaking tama nga naman... tanga na nga daw ako sabi ng aking ama... well... kasi naman lintik na mga entrance exams yan noon.. at isang magandang academic track record... nag-expect tuloy yung matanda ng sobra sobra... kaya yun bad trip... so what.. wala akong balak i-please sya... besides kung cya ang kukuha.. i bet di pa nya matatapos un.. kesyo daw di daw ako umuuwi kaya di ako pumasa.. or baka daw nag-drugs.. or baka daw... aiwan ko... Doy! i can say tinino ko yung LAE noh... ginawa ko ang lahat.. kung di mo ma-realize un.. sorry ha... di naman kasi ako perpekto... tao lang ako... at noon.. taong kayang ipasa ang lhat kahit walang ginagawa... ngayon.. sa mata mo... taong di pumasa sa lae.. period... WHO FUCKING CARES?

oh well... tuloy tayo... ano na nga ba ang nawala... well... bye sa isang pangarap na noong bata ko pa naiisip... bye sa mga araw na naisip na nagbabasa sa may UP lib para makatapos ng case studies sa law...bye sa kayabangang ipinagsusumigaw ko... bye sa pagiging virgin sa pagbagsak sa bagay na gusto ko... bye sa lahat lahat ng pinagdaanan.. bye na nga...

kukuha ba ako uli.. di ko alam.. baka.. aiwan... saka na... hay nako... ganun talga....

Isang bote session lang.. at iba na ang nasa isip ko... as in talaga... ang gago nga lang.. dahl napapasulat ako ng ganito dahl gusto ko lang maglabas ng frustration.. ito.. sisigaw na.... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
*hinga*
 as in wala na talaga... at para sa aking napakamahal na bata... hindi talaga ako iiyak... hindi talaga... see? sigaw na lang ako uli...
*hinga*
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

pero sa lahat lahat ng ito... isa lang nmn ang nakakainis... as in sobra... hindi na sa makapasa sa law eh.. hindi na rin sa maipagyabang ang sarili.. wala rin sa pagiging birhen sa pagbagsak sa mga entrance exam... ang masakit.. as in sobra...

PAALAM SA KOTSE NA DAPAT BIBILHIN NA...
di pasado eh.. pasensyahan na lang...
DAMN!
*face on palm*

Thursday, January 28, 2010

01-29-10 UP KaPiTas ACLE Avatar: More than the Pandora Project




Notes:

- Merong UP Fair sa maniwala ka man at sa hindi...
- Yesthursday ang may pinakamagandang line up... at ang "parkoya"(parokya) ay naka lock out performance... at kami lang din daw ang may fire works from dragon fireworks...
- Kuya: Puno na kayo? Luz: Opo Kuya: Avatar kasi eh... (mamatay ka sa inggit) *lol*
- Nauuso nanamn ang mascot-like actions at pag-pro-promote ni Mags.. In ka ba?
- Kapag "We" merong relationship yung mga taong gnagamitan nun.. di ba shims?
- Artista na si Drew.. IKEEE.. Ung BF ng pubcom head sikat na...
- Hindi pinagcocompare ang idea ng mga taong magkaiba ang contexto... Apps ha.. lalo na magkaibang field...
- Wala akong flash.. sayang ung Sunken Escapades kinagabihan... *sob*

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Restless and in Discomfort...

It seems like the longest night...
As I lay back in my bed...

Watching the light as it flickers...
Entertaining myself with the resounding silence...
Shaking the shivers off my feet...
Brushing my hand through the linen cloth...
Breathing in a perfect rhythm - deep and grasping..
Listening to that which pounds inside of me...
Feeling much awe and weight...
Trying to catch a level of drowsiness...
Failing at trying the previous...
Screaming in a sound that echoes nowhere but in me...
Thinking... Thinking more.. and thinking too much...

It is you that runs in my mind...
It is you that I want to hold...
It is you that I want to see...
It is you that I want to hear...
It is you that I love...

and tonight, as I wait too long to end...
this poem shall serve...
with all its wrong meters and rhymes...
the feeling I have whenever I'm not with you...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

12-17-2009 UP Kabataang Pilosopo Tasyo Christmas Party




Tinatamad ako mag-notes... sa comment ko na lang ilalagay pag may naalala ako.. *thumbs up*

Friday, December 11, 2009

Kapitas Lecture Series * Failed Carnival visit * Kappaskuhan '09




Notes:

* Love is not blind...
* Pag si Bernard ang speaker... maghanap na ng halaman...
* Ang carnival sa QC circle maaga mag-sara..
* Plastic talga si Korina Sanchez... Grabe.. ngumingiti lang pag nag roll ung cam... ( Nakita namin siya sa shooting nya sa QC circle)
* Ang paggawa ng ribbon stuff ay mahirap.. pero practice makes perfect...
* Ang galing ng Psych na kumanta... ung may bulak sa ulo.. este.. bulaklak pala...
* Wag tatayo sa likod pag kasama si CHabs... kasi wala na siya makita... *rofl*
* Wag na wag kay cess mag-papapic.. kung gusto mong may makuha talaga...
* Importante ang Flash ng cam.. pero nakaktamad pmnta sa center... *yawn*
* Chabdru pa rin!!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

KaPiTas November '09 Activities * Bonding * Kulitan * Paiyakan




Activities:
- Book Sale
- Sign Up Week
- Kapalakasan 09
- Tambayan Clean up

Tinatamad ako mag-notes.. basta yun na yun.. *thumbs up*

Saturday, November 07, 2009

11-05-09 Semestral Break Semi-Roentgen '06 Reunion sa Trinoma




Notes:
* Di binibigay ang wallet sa boyfriend...
* Sa mga lalake... pag nag away kayo ng GF nu... itago ang wallet nya.... para di makaalis.. *rofl*
* Sa mga kelangan ng tulong.. tawag agad... kasi lab namin kayo... gagawa kami ng paraan... tska para di na rin kami babalik sa KNL habang nasa labas na pala kami ng Trinoma...
* Abram.. magkaiba ung north ave. sa circle.. sorry di naman ako napapadpad dun...
* Okay lang na ma-delay.. basta't si Cadoods ay andyan pa.. ur still on the right track...
* 250 na ang red box eat all u can lunch.. dapat nilang i-update ung nasa net...
* Si pau... kain lang ang pahinga... kanta all the way...
* Jhec... tama na ang baritone.. birit na kaya yang kinakanta mo...
* Si ruth.. kahit sumisigaw na sa kakanta... di pa rin naririnig.. haha....
* Si julian.. ay adik sa timezone games saka sa pagkanta ng napaka-lumang kanta...
* Si ayah.. bawal umuwi... babatukan ko yang bf mo.. nagpa-delay na nga.. gusto pa maaga ka aalis...
* Roentgen.. dapat na tayong mag-update ng contacts.. dahil walang kwenta mag-advertise sa fb.. d nmn lhat araw2 nag-online...
* Roent... Sa december daw.. overnight.. ang tanong saan? *everyone shouts* KAYLA PAULO!!!
* Miss ko na ang HS friends ko... hmmm.. mag-paramdam kayo.. pag-babatukan ko kayo isa isa... *rofl*

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I'm Officially not yet Registered

October 31 has been an exasperating day. We experienced 7 hours of waiting in line with no good food to munch on and a chilling atmosphere. It was really inviting to get out of line and simply go straight home to have a sumptuous hot dinner and to sleep comfortably on a soft bed with thick mantels. But, we were too eager to exercise our right. We did not give up. we stood through the hours and the only thing that brought us up are moments of humor – of speakers and stupid people being tricked to follow them; of hot-headed individuals fighting and rationalizing a stupid cause; of cheaters being snapped into their conscience after being barraged by a great number of long-waiters. After all the hassles we've gone through, I ask myself now – was it worth it?

Technically, we have yet to be officially registered. We'll have to go back on the 3rd of November to finish our biometrics proper. Nevertheless, we are sure to be allowed to use this right – this right that asks too much, yet, gives too little. Voting properly won't really be a big thing. My vote dissolves itself with millions of other votes – many of which are simply bought or are even of non-existing individuals. It will simply be a speck of dust in the foundation of the government that we wanted to form – it's not even bricks-worth. With or without it, nothing will really change after the election. Sue me for being honest.

However, we should not simply look at the effects of our votes only up to the election. We should look far – behind the unknown horizons. Registering is not really about getting that right to vote – it is showing the will to have a change. It brings hope to the country that has been too much devastated by corruption. Even if we cannot change the regime, we will serve as epitome of people who shows passion to this country. Our action would serve as a model to follow for the other generations that will come after us – and we hope, that in the near future they will eventually win this battle for change. This vote is, but a speck of dust, but it is enough to irritate people to change their malicious deeds; to touch people to give care to our mother country; to push them to vote in the next elections – until we beat the number of illegalities.

We still have a long way to go, but, it should not be a reason to halt us from doing it now. The earlier we act the shorter the time it takes for us to reach the end of that way. What we lack in this country are not good leaders – but rather, concerned citizens.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

09-10 B UP KaPiTas Sem Planning and Workshop




Notes:

* Masarap Magluto ung NANAY ni cess.. ung NANAY ah.. Nanay!
* Walang puso ang execom... grabe...
* KAREN! GRABE LANG AH!! HARAP HARAPAN GRABE LANG! (while staring at mai...)
* Hindi porket may sasalo... nasasalo.. minsan.. nag-2 back flip din bigla.. di ba Tim? nasa history ka na... *rofl*
* Team building ng execom ay lamang ng isang buhos sa team building ng mem last sem... *rofl*
* Habang ang mga tao ngaun ay nanunuod ng mga bagong palabas.. si Jane ay stuck sa felicity... grabe... sino ang manang?!
* Si Russel ay tambay at magaling sa billiards ang mga taga-marikina...
Pao: Bakit ang galing mo sa billiards?
Russel: Taga - marikina kasi ako.
Lahat: GRABE!
* Si Drew at Russel ay nagunahan... NAGUNAHAN?! grabe lang.. chercher...
* Masaya mag-ghost stories sa Kapitas.. lalo na pagkasama si Mai...
* Nakaktakot si Mia katabi pag-gabi.. parang mumu talaga...shet!
* Cool ang Concert sa Philo Summit! Walang aangal!
* Grabe mang-manipulate si Russel... dinadaan tau sa po/opo... grabe din si The boss... pati dito na wala sya... meron sya galamay... grabe lang... *rofl*
* Syet... ayaw na ayaw kong na-black out after mag-inom... kasi naman si manang ayaw mag-palabas... di tuloy nakabili ng yosi...
(ung nagpic sakin habang natutulog... sasaksakin ko kayo.. ang mag-post ng pic ko sasaksakin ko tlaga!)

P.S.
Ung mga pic ng you-know-what ay nasa akin... dahil bawal i-post... hingin nu na lang sakin kung may gusto kayo makuha...

Monday, September 21, 2009

Putting-some-person-in-their-proper-place 101...

His Request:

Be a philosopher, not a smart-ass blabber. Still, being a member of Kapitas, I invite you to be my friend.

My Reply:

Acting Intelligently... doesn't really make you intelligent... You are simply making yourself nothing more than a laughing stock... *yawn*

furthermore.. if what you have said shows the real mind of a philosopher.. and if indeed what you say about philosophizing is true.. Then, I choose to veer out of it... because it is senseless for philosophy to seek for the truth if it will allow its conclusions to be illogical and be filled w/ fallacies...

Im sorry but I am not a hypocrite... so I will choose to reject the request... the name calling is so uncalled for... especially for a kapitas member who should have moral integrity... probably it is best to harness your rationality more than paying too much on barraging anyone that you argue with... Because the attack of another person is in fact a fallacy.. too bad you don't recognize them to be relevant...

good day..

Note:

Some people wouldn't understand... especially if they haven't read the cause of this... I suggest that you check on Andrew Adriano's Facebook wall first.. and find out there what actually occurred... for the seniors... Im sorry but I feel the stupidity of adding him simply because he is an alumni... Weighing everything... I don't think it counts anything more..

----------------------------------------------------------

I'm not a hypocrite... I do talk back when some people don't even have the decency to talk proper... Especially when I know how stupid they make use of their rationality... I pity them... That's why it is best to shut them up rather than continue making them believe the lie they hold to be true... *yawn*