And after two years.. I'm back.

It has been long since we've last met. I have just finished reading through you and, after which, I sat down in silence. I peek at some and made a second glance because it seems to be an excitement having to set sight of them once more. This was me in every little sense. The thoughts that turned to words; words that turned to sentences and the sentences that turned to entries. Indeed, this was undoubtedly made from a crazy mind like mine. 

The words here seemed resounding the very story that has caused it. I felt the emotions that have filled every scene that occurred – the laughter, tears and even the sudden pauses. Everything simply seems to be in its proper place. This was indeed me about two years ago and the years before that. I wrote with passion and shared the world what runs inside of me. Then, life, in general, has driven me to create ideas and opinions of it. Never was I ashamed to say what I mean and to mean what I say. For these past years, has this man changed?

I gladly would say NO. The same man stood and wrote this follow up exposition. I may have grown physically, but, inside me is still the kid that wrote all this stuff. Do not take me wrong though. To call myself a kid is never meant to put me down. I am proud to be a kid and will always be a kid – one who wanders and is wondered by the world; one that has no guilt to ask and to answer back; one who has his ideals intact. That is me and I do think that this man would never change.

And, if you are eagerly asking, yes is the answer. I am back – though I have not really left. It is not I if my mind becomes stagnant. I still made fun of the world and played with ideas of life. The smiles have always come after the silence - when I’ve realized life’s lessons. I never left because I never stopped thinking. It was my task as a human person. Thus, I have maintained it. I have simply stopped writing it.

What has actually caused me to stop writing? I actually do not remember now. Probably, I was too busy that I have simply contained it within me. However, after so long, I was awakened one day by this pain and urge. It seems my brain is going to explode if I kept it further. Thus, I am here.

Today, I again walk the same path - to expose the world as I see it. I will again write driven by the passion of my ideals – of the good and the just. I will speak of matters that I deem is needed to be spoken of. Today, I have awakened once more.

One and a half Scribbling...

The last thing I would ever want to feel is to be alone. Who would want to feel that cold air as it touches your skin - piercing you through the bones? Who would want to embrace the darkness in its fullness - killing the life out of you? Who would want to feel the nausea of loneliness - crushing your heart's rhythm?

But tonight.... as I touch this keys I feel it all... and I am lost into the music once more - the symphony... it resounds itself through the walls of my room... and I could not rest back to clear it all because I am hurt... hurt in the faintest sense... hurt without the bruises and blood. But the pain... it swells more than anything I can imagine.. I feel uneasy... nearing the point of insanity... I could not think... I could not breath.. I could not feel... I turned numb in this few seconds I feel this very pain.

How ironic could things get? get hurt and be numb? how could I ever feel the pain if I can't even feel anything? or was I stuck with the pain all along which made me think that I am numb - for it is the only thing I feel right now? To which am I numb? to the pain I could not resist? or the world that tries to embrace me? Or is it the case that I am actually insane right now? Am I even making sense?

I am actually writing this without any basic purpose. I just wanted to release this pain. I would want to express it out so that it won't envelope me through out. All I want is to understand it all... I want to get the time to digest it all... I am lost... lost...

All I know is that I am sad... and what may be more to that I would want to know.  

To that Lady I Owe So Much

I've always been asked to wait for that one person that could make me happy. It was a hard journey to bump into people that you thought was the one - but in the end, it turned out that they never fit. It would hurt after that realization. We would not know where to go or what to do. We would feel alone during those glimpse of the memories where they made us smile.

I've gone through it all. I've tried paths which seems to go to a green land - but it turned out the place was simply too crowded for two. I've sailed to coasts where I thought people could wait - but it turned out it was simply just too far to even be heard. I've walked into places where things seems alright - but it turned out things weren't as easy to understand as it seemed to be. The journey was indeed hard. We needed to endure the pain of every heart breaks, and to learn from those where we've been. But the hardest of all is finding yourself willing to walk again. There was no certainty on which end we have to go. However, one cannot just stay put trying to rationalize a past. We have the capacity to forget and understand an end - where we realize that it was a misjudgement on our part to fall for the wrong person.

The search starts again and one would grow exhausted ending up  with the same old circle. Nevertheless, one should not wither because journeys are meant to end. We'll reach a dead end where we'll meet that person that would make us happy. We should not expect her to be perfect - no one is. But, what is perfect is the union that you both have. This is when,even with our imperfections, we feel complete. Every person is a half, indeed. We fill in each other's incapacities - and within the populace, there is simply one that exactly fits and forms what we may call a perfect circle.

And tonight, as I write this, I am eager for people to undersantd one thing. I've actually found the one that fits - the one that makes my circle perfect. This circle that is not just mine to keep, but for both of us to nourish. It is not just because of what she could do to me, but also, what I think I could do to her. When not only a part is heeded but the whole;when not only a  half counts but one; when not only one cares but both, this is when we understand that we've actually made it.

And to you my dear, nothing is more appropriate for me to say than what I actually feel and is willing to show and tell you for the rest of my life....

 I love you.