The last thing I would ever want to feel is to be alone. Who would want to feel that cold air as it touches your skin - piercing you through the bones? Who would want to embrace the darkness in its fullness - killing the life out of you? Who would want to feel the nausea of loneliness - crushing your heart's rhythm?
But tonight.... as I touch this keys I feel it all... and I am lost into the music once more - the symphony... it resounds itself through the walls of my room... and I could not rest back to clear it all because I am hurt... hurt in the faintest sense... hurt without the bruises and blood. But the pain... it swells more than anything I can imagine.. I feel uneasy... nearing the point of insanity... I could not think... I could not breath.. I could not feel... I turned numb in this few seconds I feel this very pain.
How ironic could things get? get hurt and be numb? how could I ever feel the pain if I can't even feel anything? or was I stuck with the pain all along which made me think that I am numb - for it is the only thing I feel right now? To which am I numb? to the pain I could not resist? or the world that tries to embrace me? Or is it the case that I am actually insane right now? Am I even making sense?
I am actually writing this without any basic purpose. I just wanted to release this pain. I would want to express it out so that it won't envelope me through out. All I want is to understand it all... I want to get the time to digest it all... I am lost... lost...
All I know is that I am sad... and what may be more to that I would want to know.
