[] CaNDLe []

Im an absolute early-rise-almost-no-sleep person... Ive slept at about 12 and woke up at exactly {acc to my computer} 2:38... I have not even complied with half the normal-correct sleeping hours which is 8 ... Im not insomiac because I can sleep but I might just be used in waking up so early... I wonder when and why it started but its not fun going online at this time... because I get bored... No people to talk to... No music to listen to { my sound card is still broke... grr }... Not even a person in ragnarok to play with... hai...

Later... about 2 hours from now...{ it already 5:33.. I got reminded Im doing a post a while ago}We might be up to go to papi cio's house { a friend... Ronin} We plan to go to E.K. with our ragnarok buddies { Ronin!} today... Papi Tiki... Rex... Tine... Ate Shei... Kuya sher... Gudo... Ate Beh... Ate Marife... and some other people... This must be fun... its my 2nd time to join the band to go somewhere... and as far as Im concerned I believe this will be a hell of a day... specially with them who are very fond of fun...

Now ... before I get too excited... Im placing myself back to sanity to post this entry... Ive read an emo-ish poem yesterday and I cannot remember how it went... but all it says is... he hates his life and he chose to like to end it... with a line saying something like... I choose to put out the flame in my own candle... it is from katukayo {a letran scroll press...}...

Ive been saying for so many times... that it is so hard to be a "me"... living in my life is something outrageous... So many goals to put through... So many lives to take into... So many lies to speak through... So many things to hide into... Ive gone insane thinking... Am I person who makes my life too difficult or is it simply my own destiny to be placed in such a life I am obliged to live in? I cannot give in to my thoughts thinking... this is all a mistake... I know Ive been born to handle matters such as these... but its simply odd to live in it... when I know... It is to hard to handle and operate... Sometimes, you would almost think, it is impossible to push through with it...

I want to die... that is how I want to say it... I hate living in my life and if ever Im asked to live in it again I choose to stay away from it and live another... a normal life... Im not saying it is bad to be a little different... but it is hard to be different... living with people who are not like you... you'll eventually realize... You are so out of place and you'll fall on your knees saying... I cannot survive... I cannot think a single reason to say it is fun being me... well... it is fun having people around you to comfort you but having yourself like this... is another thing...

I might not survive being me... I might break through the morning as it dawns to rise... I might turn into a rest to plea my self from the friction of having a being... It is not good to be me... It is hard... It is not right to think Im having fun with it... cause it is not... Im restless and shadowed , by my own, Im weak... Ive gone too weak to live in it... and at last... 'till a long wasted life... I'll be just like the person in Katukayo... I chose to like to end my life...

I choose to put out the flame in my own candle...

scion